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Christopher Murphy

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Image for Cillian Murphy, Christopher Nolan and why 'ROMO' is the 'FOMO' cure
via: usatoday.com

Cillian Murphy, Christopher Nolan and why 'ROMO' is the 'FOMO' cure

Did Cillian Murphy just discover the cure for "FOMO"?

The "Steve" actor, 49, appeared to coin a new term this month in Variety's Toronto Film Festival studio, where he was asked about not appearing in director Christopher Nolan's upcoming film adaptation of "The Odyssey." Murphy and Nolan are longtime collaborators, with Murphy winning a best actor Oscar for his performance in the Nolan-directed 2023 movie "Oppenheimer."

But don't worry, Murphy says. He has no "FOMO" − or "fear of missing out" − over "The Odyssey." Quite the contrary.

“I have ROMO: ‘Relief of missing out,'” Murphy said, jokingly. “No, I can’t wait to see it. If any director in the world could tackle ‘The Odyssey,’ it’s going to be Christopher Nolan. I am so excited to see it. He is one in a million. He’s been a huge part of my life as an actor. I can’t wait to see what he does with it.”

Murphy expanded on this view during his appearance on "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert," posted online Sept. 9.

"It's a real gift to go and see Chris's films and watch them without having the terrible burden of looking at my own stupid head," he said.

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Though a quippy line, mental health experts say Murphy's actually onto something when it comes to combatting the dreaded FOMO. This feeling often comes with deep anxiety, but reframing how we feel about supposedly "missing out" can help mitigate that.

"In life, there are going to be opportunities that we can pursue and some that we can't for various reasons," psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis says. "The important thing is to stay in the present."

What is 'FOMO'?

Coined in 2004, and rising to popularity in the subsequent decade, the term FOMO describes a specific anxiety which arises when a person perceives themselves to be missing out on some important social interaction and then springs into motion to try to make it right. This can mean checking up on what others are doing constantly or compulsively reaching out to maintain connection.

In one 2013 study, a group of psychologists defined FOMO simply as "a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent."

It is often connected with the rise of social media, thought to be a side-effect of knowing so much about each other's daily lives. The reasoning goes: If we didn't have to see what we were missing out on via Facebook, Instagram and TikTok, would we fear it so much?

FOMO is a complex feeling phenomenon that can be linked to several mental health outcomes.

In a 2021 study published by The World Journal of Clinical Cases, authors Mayank Gupta and Aditya Sharma write that FOMO can be associated with a range of negative life experiences and feelings, including lack of sleep, reduced life competency, emotional tension, negative effects on physical well-being, anxiety and lack of emotional control. Cognitive behaviors connected to FOMO include compulsive refreshing of social media sites and notifications, heightening anxiety as an individual awaits the "reward" of a message or update.

Is 'ROMO' the answer to 'FOMO'?

The reality is that, in life, you can't do everything. Time and energy are finite resources, and we have to be discerning on the activities we spend them on. Making peace with this, therefore, is crucial to mental wellbeing.

Sarkis says reframing "FOMO" as "ROMO" can be a healthy way to do this. Instead of focusing on what you're missing out on in life, focus on what you're doing instead, and give yourself grace to rest.

"Acknowledge the disappointment, and then be proactive and think of what could you do instead," she says. "What opportunities do I have now that I wouldn't have had if I had gone?"

It's also important, she adds, to become aware of what's really behind your "FOMO." Are you afraid of missing out because the activity is something you actually want to do, or does your FOMO have more to do with how others perceive you?

"When we talk about FOMO, fear missing out, I think we need to look at is it something we really want to do or is it something that we want to post," Sarkis says. "Sometimes those two get clouded."

Contributing: Anna Kaufman