Mike Collins

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Our spooky October “surprise” is a Franken-hunk built out of the men the president has gushed over.

Donald Trump's perfect man, as described by the president in public statements.

This article is a collaboration with Them.

During the sprint to the 2026 midterm elections, President Donald Trump has been focused on what’s really important: No, not the affordability crisis. Not his cratering approval ratings, either. We’re talking, of course, about Trump’s incessant focus on men’s bodies — which, to be fair, are indeed a kitchen table issue in some gay households! The deeply unpopular incumbent has devoted quite a lot of rally time to complimenting the physical features of Republican politicians and male athletes over the last year.

Most recently, he seems to have developed a fixation on Ohio Sen. Jon Husted’s backside, with Trump saying at multiple rallies that he “examined his ass” from behind. “I never did that with a man before,” the president added at a Kentucky rally earlier this month.

All of this talk got us thinking: What would Trump’s perfect man look like? So we read through the archives, got out our scissors, and set to work making the Franken-hunk of his dreams. Below, please find our composite image of the men our Republican commander-in-chief, a staunch opponent of LGBTQ+ rights during his time in office, has complimented in recent months.

And please bear in mind, this is the same president who has disrupted global HIV prevention funding, nominated a host of antigay and anti-trans judges, and attacked LGBTQ+ healthcare protections.

Our dream man’s white hair comes courtesy of Georgia Democratic Sen. Jon Ossoff’s Republican challenger, Mike Collins, a member of the U.S. House of Representatives. At an October 16 rally, Trump praised Collins using one of his favorite terms: “Central Casting.”

“If I’m casting a movie for a senator, if I’m casting a movie for a senator- I like the white hair, I like the big, strong build. Big, strong guy,” he said.

We built our Franken-man’s face from two men whose features Trump loves: former Navy SEAL officer and current Republican House candidate Ed Gallrein, who got the “central casting” compliment at a Kentucky rally on October 17. “Just look at this beautiful guy,” Trump said. And, of course, we couldn’t leave off Husted’s jawline, which Trump effused over at the same event.

Look, Trump has really gravitated toward Husted’s body, rhetorically speaking, with plenty of commentary on the senator’s college football career at the University of Dayton. At the same Kentucky rally, the president complimented Husted’s shoulders. And his feet, but we’ve got bigger plans for our creation’s lower half.

Trump had especially kind things to say about Health Secretary and roadkill enthusiast Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s body at an October 23 rally. “By the way, seriously, did anybody ever see the build? The body on Bob, did anybody ever see?” Trump said, adding, “He’s got the body of a 30-year-old.”

With Trump having fawned about the Republican’s butt to rally crowds, only one posterior could qualify, and it belongs to the All-American defensive back.

Trump has talked about Husted’s feet, but we can’t make our collage entirely out of Husted parts. No, we turned to Trump’s well-known love of male athletes to help our creature stand upright. In May of this year, New York Giants quarterback Jaxson Dart introduced Trump at a rally, with the president praising him in return: “I’m looking at the legs there. He’s this beautiful guy. He’s got legs like tree trunks.”

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